Bizarre Love Triangle
by wensleydale
Summary: A twist on a Cyrano: Through helping Sasuke win Sakura’s heart Naruto begins to realize maybe he’s not in love with who he originally thought he was. SasuNaru Yaoi


A/N I decided to take a break from my confusing, slightly emo, self-indulging, smut fest (AKA simplicity) to write something light, predictable, and short. Originally I was going to leave this to rot on my hard drive but I figured what the hell I'll post it.

Oh yes I must warn you...This is SLASH or Yaoi… whatever you kids are calling it now-a-days… (I'm not actually that old) just be patient.

And finally I should probably mention this is of course based on the classic Cyrano De Bergerac but obviously doesn't strictly adhere to the plot. I was also challenged to fit in as many rules of the internet as I could (I'll only footnote the important ones seeing as most of my attempt to reference them failed).

Without any further ado please enjoy!

-Wenselydale

--

A day that had seemed so promising instantly became the worst day of Naruto's life the second Sakura uttered the words "I think I might try going out with Sasuke."

"Saaaasuke?" Naruto managed to stammer.

"I think I might be in love with him and I've just gotten him to agree to go out with me."

It was true that as a kid he had pursued Sakura to no avail and after Sasuke disappeared he began to think he had a chance. She occupied nearly all his thoughts. Even so he knew it was hopeless the second Sasuke returned. He saw the way she looked at him, and the way she smiled when she mentioned his name, he began to wonder why he had even bothered in the first place. No one would ever fall in love with a demon vessel. So he passed the time alone.

But this morning had felt so different. For the first time Sakura came by his apartment to see him. It might have been his imagination but she seemed a little flushed when he answered the door.

"Naruto, good, you're home. I hate to admit it but you were pretty useful during that last mission."

"Uuuh thanks."

"I just came by to ask if we could meet up later, just the two of us, I need to tell you something important." Sakura's slightly quivering voice and faint blush were enough to make his knees weak.

"Uuuh sure."

"I'll see you at 3 by the hospital." Sakura said disappearing in a flash.

Naruto just stood there is his doorway staring at the spot where Sakura had just stood. Could it be that Sakura had feelings for him? Why else would he have been so nervous? He hit himself when he replayed the scene in his head. Could he have acted any dumber? He should have invited her in for tea, or at least started his sentences with something other than uuuuh. He must have looked like a blubbering fool! It was that very moment he decided this afternoon would be different. He would be charming and articulate and just incase he was too nervous he would have a backup plan, a letter. It would contain everything, every feeling, every dream, every thought, and of course it would be in the most eloquent language he could manage.

So he sat down at his desk with a stack of paper and attempted to write.

_Sakura, _

_Light of my life, fire of my loins, my sin, my soul…. (1)_

Too creepy he thought as he crumpled up the paper and threw it behind him.

_Love (understood as the desire of good for another) is in fact so unnatural a phenomenon that it can scarcely repeat itself, the soul being unable to become virgin again and not having energy enough to cast itself out again into the ocean of another's soul.(2)_

Too pessimistic and modernist he thought as he crumpled up that paper as well.

_For years I feel as though I've been speaking in half-truths but with your recent interest and encouragement I feel I can finally be honest and reveal the extent of my feeling to you on these pages._

Worse things have been written he thought as he shrugged and began writing again. He didn't stop writing, not even when his hand began to ach, until it was nearly 3. He was about to sign the letter when his eye caught a particularly intimate detail of the letter he had written only moments before and suddenly he lost his nerve. Signing this letter meant he couldn't deny what he felt anymore, and frankly, that scared the shit of him. After deciding a signature wouldn't matter if he were to deliver the letter in person he folded up everything he had written and shoved it into an envelope.

He thought he was late when he saw Sakura was already standing outside the hospital but he was actually 15 minutes early. He smiled as he thought about Sakura pacing nervously for hours waiting for him. He shoved the letter in his back pocket as he approached his teammate as calmly as he could, secretly taking mental notes so he could relive this moment for the rest of life.

"You came." Sakura said looking over at him with her beautiful green eyes. Everything was perfect, everything was going as planned, until she said the sentence that would send his world crashing down.

"_I think I might try going out with Sasuke."_ The words echoed in his head even after the moment had passed. And so there he was, standing across from the love of his life, completely rejected before he even had a chance to confess. The love letter burned in his back pocket.

"I never thought you would go for Sasuke, he's always been cold to you." Naruto said.

"He's grown up, besides no one want to be alone."

"Just because you're not in a relationship doesn't mean you're alone."

"I know, but I need this guarantee. Please don't resent Sasuke for this, even though he isn't saying anything I can tell he's really uneasy. It would mean a lot to me if you would go and reassure him. You guys have never been buddy-buddy but I'd love it if you could suck up your pride and try to be friendly."

This new less violent attitude of Sakura's was making him feel ill. He would often imagine what a compassionate Sakura would be like but in all his fantasies that compassion was directed towards him and not some undeserving dark haired jerk. He hated how jealous Sakura made him feel. "Yeah sure." He wasn't even sure would he had just agreed to anymore.

"Great!" Sakura squealed as she gave him a hug. "You're such a good friend, I'd be so happy if you could learn to get along with Sasuke."

Those words were like needles to his ears. _"You're such a good friend." _ It was worse then taking a kunai to the chest. "I'll try." He said half-heartedly as she let go of her embrace and let him back away from her slowly. "See you." He said as he nearly tripped over a rock. Once he was a safe distance he bolted into the forest where he knew he'd be alone.

Or so he hoped.

In the long sting of annoying unpredictable run-ins with Sasuke this had to be the worst.

Sasuke looked down at him curled up on the forest floor. "You met with Sakura." It wasn't a question. "You don't have to get so emotional, she's just a woman."

"She's not _a_ woman she's _the _woman." He looked to see Sasuke shrug. "You don't deserve her. You don't appreciate her." He spat out before curling up back into a ball.

"That's a matter of opinion and luckily yours doesn't matter." Sasuke said sitting down on the dirt near Naruto. "I appreciate her, I just don't worship her."

"I can't believe she choose you."

"You think she'd have chosen a dumb ass like you?"

"She might have." Naruto cried out defensively.

"But she didn't" Sasuke shot back.

"Do you really think you can make her happy?" He asked earnestly.

"I think she thinks I can make her happy, and maybe that's enough."

"It's not, she should have poetry written about her, and songs, she should have someone who holds open the door for her and pours her wine first."

"I can't do stuff like that." Sasuke laughed. "Things like that are for pathetic chumps who can't win women otherwise."

"Maybe you could start by just writing her a love note." Naruto suggested.

" I told you, I'm not into sappy stuff like that. I wouldn't even know what to write."

The blonde reluctantly removed his love note and passed it to Sasuke. "Maybe this will help you feel inspired?" It wasn't like the letter was going to do much for him now but maybe it could help Sasuke make Sakura happy. He covered his head in shame as Sasuke opened the letter. Even though the letter wasn't meant to woo his arrogant friend he was still nervous about letting him read his inner most thoughts.

Sasuke let out a small burst of laughter that made him jump. "When we smile at each other it's like our souls are touching, it makes my heart feel warm and light " He read in a ridiculous falsetto. "I can't believe you wrote this crap."

"It takes a real man to admit his feeling." Naruto muttered from the cocoon he had turned himself into in order to hide his shame.

"A real man would have signed his name at the bottom."

"Yeah, well, no one's perfect."

Sasuke burst out laughing at another part of the letter. "Hey can I borrow this to have something to work off?" he motioned to the letter.

"Sure why not. Hell, you can keep it. It's not like I need it anymore."

"Don't worry you'll get over her." Sasuke said in an attempt to comfort him. "And I'll get into her pants." His friend laughed as he stood up to leave Naruto alone with his self-pity.

The passing of that letter should have been when his tragedy ended, but it was only the beginning of the chaos.

He started to get tangled in the mess when an unexpected visitor dropped by. The last person he expected to come knocking on his door asking for advice was the prideful Sasuke Uchiha, but there he was several minutes later sitting at his table calmly drinking a cup of tea with many lumps of sugar. He had no idea why he had made a mental note of this particular quark beyond the fact that he thought it was unexpectedly funny that Sasuke seemed to have a sweet tooth.

"That's an awful lot of sugar." Naruto thought out loud to himself as Sasuke added yet another spoonful to his tea after taking a taste.

"In an otherwise unflawed life this is my one vice." His rival said as he stirred. "It also helps disguise the terrible quality of your tea."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware you were coming over for a tea party or else I would have told you to go the hell away. Did you come here just to rub salt in my wounds?"

"No." Sasuke said taking a sip of tea. "I just came here to say that she hated the letter I wrote her."

"HA!" He stood in triumph. "I knew words couldn't disguise your true intentions!"

"She loved your letter though." His friend said before calmly taking another sip of tea.

"What?!"

"Don't worry she's doesn't know you wrote it, I signed my name at the bottom."

"You plagiarized my letter?" he asked as he looked at his friend with a mixture of horror and disbelief.

"You didn't have the balls to give it here, besides do you really think it would have meant nearly as much to her if you had been the one to give it to her."

That is what tipped him over the edge. He reached for the teapot on the table and threw it at Sasuke's head only to have it go smashing into the wall when the Uchiha moved to take another sip of tea. Frustrated he picked up another object to throw but before he could release it he felt his face get splashed with luke-warm tea.

"Better?" his friend asked.

He blinked a few times before sticking his tongue out to taste the tea. He started laughing as the taste hit him with full force. It was sickeningly sweet. "Yeah, I think so."

"I have a proposition for you." Sasuke said as he stood up and handed him a towel to dry his face.

"I'm not going to like this proposition am I?" he asked as he dabbed his face.

"You seem to have a gift for writing sappy letters and I have everything else Sakura is looking for, so I was thinking if we combine our talents …"

"No." Naruto interjected "There is no way I'm writing another letter for you."

"I think I'm being very generous. Many men would beat up a man who is obsessed with their girlfriend. I'm giving you probably your only chance to tell her how you feel with no risk."

"I can't do it, especially not for a jerk like you." He spat back.

He was expecting for Sasuke to hit him but instead he just shrugged. "Ok." The Uchiha said as he picked up his empty teacup and put it in the sink. "I'll be leaving now. Thanks for the tea." He watched as the dark haired male headed for the door, skillfully avoiding the broken pot, then turned around. Naruto sat there expecting a final pitch but instead Sasuke pointed to the sink and said, "You should really do the dishes, your sink is nearly full." before walking through the door.

"Such an ass." Naruto muttered to himself. He sat there for a few minutes and let his mind wander, a dangerous pastime. He began to wonder what Sakura's face looked like as she read his letter, and more entertainingly he tried to imagine what exactly was written in Sasuke's letter that turned Sakura off so much. "Sweet toothed OCD freak." He laughed as he stood up and walked over to the sink.

--

He had forgotten all about Sasuke's ridiculous proposition until he had lunch with Sakura two days later.

"I don't know what it is!" she whined. "I was so worried he might not like after the first letter, but then he writes this incredible passionate letter, only to follow it up with another mediocre letter. Am I not good enough to inspire him?"

"I'm sure that's not it. Maybe Sasuke isn't the guy for you."

"No he is! I knew when I read that second letter, it was so, so intense and passionate. If it had been from anyone else it wouldn't have meant anything but to know that a guy like Sasuke could feel that for me made my heart explode with joy."

The only good thing about having your heart crushed was the fact that when it happens a second time it doesn't seem to hurt as much anymore.

"I just wish he would write a letter like that for me again. You have no idea how happy that would make me."

When he looked at her face he knew he had no choice. Sasuke was right; his letter made her happy but only because she thought it was from someone else. Was it possible helping his rival could make her happy? Even though she had rejected him he couldn't wish misery on her. He wanted to see her smile and laugh.

"I could go talk to him and see what's up?" Naruto suggested.

"Would you?" she said as she looked at him with doe eyes.

"I'll track him down before I go back to training."

"Thank you." She squealed as she pulled him into a hug. The sparks that normally shot through his body whenever she touched him seemed less intense, as though his body was beginning to learn the truth his mind had learned long ago, she could never love him.

--

He found Sasuke sitting on a dock sharpening the blades of his kunai.

"Hey teme!" Naruto shouted over the sound of rubbing metal. Sasuke stopped sharpening and looked up at him with a smug grin, as though he already knew he was going to give in to his request. "I came to talk to you."

"Obviously." He suddenly had the urge to slap that stupid grin off of Sasuke's face but he restrained himself.

"I've decided to help you, but not because I want to, just because it will make Sakura happy." He paused to look at the smug grin on Sasuke's face grow.

"Of course."

"And I want a few things from you in return."

"Yes?" Sasuke said quirking an eyebrow.

"First of all you can't insult my letters."

"Can't promise that, they're pretty corny"

"Fine, you can say whatever you want about them because I don't care what you think, but you have to tell me how Sakura feels about them."

"Fair enough." Sasuke shrugged.

"And I want us to train together."

"We already train together."

"Yeah but I don't want you to suddenly flake out on me and ditch because now you have a girl friend."

"Ok, no ditching, anything else?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah one last thing."

"Yes?" the Uchiha said with an impatient and irritated tone.

"For every letter I write you I want you to cook me dinner." Sasuke didn't have to say anything, the utterly confused look of disbelief on his face spoke louder then words. "I'm tired of eating ramen every night and you taking Sakura robbed me of probably my only chance of having someone make a home cooked meal for me, you still look confused."

"I'm just trying to figure out how you could get tired of eating ramen."

"Look in my cupboards and you'll understand. Meals are also a good time to talk strategy. Sakura is a high maintenance woman, it's going to take more than just letters to please her."

"What I do to get laid." Sasuke muttered as he rolled his eyes. "Any dietary restrictions?"

"Try to avoid nuts."

"You're allergic?"

"No, I just don't like them."

"So when will you have a letter done so I can cook you this nut-free meal?" Sasuke said as he started to sharpen one of his shuriken.

"Well, first I need you to inspire me."

Sasuke stopped sharpening to look up at Naruto with wide eyes. "Excuse me?"

"Inspire me by telling me stories about Sakura and stuff." He explained.

With this explanation his friend seemed to relax and breathe easy again. "Yeah, I'll tell you what she thought of your first letter when we're training later."

"Deal." He said extending a hand for his friend to shake before leaving.

--

Naruto knew better then to assume that training with Sasuke would include a tell-all heart to heart but he certainly was expecting more then Sasuke seemed willing to tell him.

"All she said is that she thought it was sweet and thoughtful." The Uchiha said as he threw a series of punches that he dodged before he retaliated with a kick that Sasuke blocked.

"Was she blushing a lot or was it just a hint of pink in the cheeks?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Sasuke said as he crouched and swung his legs in an attempt to take out the blonde's legs only to have Naruto jump over them.

"Ok, the blush might be a little subtle for you to pick up on. What kind of expression did she have on her face?" Naruto said as he barely landed a hit on the other's shoulder.

"Happy."

"Was it content happy? Accomplished happy?" Naruto asked as he switched to defensive combat to avoid getting hit.

"I don't know. She was just sort of standing there smiling."

"Teeth of no teeth?"

"No teeth." Sasuke answered as he landed a successful kick.

"Was it sort of to the side with a dimple?"

"I don't know." Sasuke said as he took a defensive stance to prepare himself for retaliation. "Why the hell does it matter?"

"If there was a dimple that means she was actually happy, no dimple means she was just pretending to be happy in order to be polite."

"How the do you know all of this?"

"When you've had a crush on someone nearly your entire life you notice these things. This is important so try to dig deep." Naruto said as his fist connected with Sasuke's stomach.

"I thought it was a little weird that her ears wiggled as she said it." Sasuke got in a hit when he let his guard down for a split second to picture Sakura reminding him that their fight was more important right now. The Uchiha certainly commanded attention when he stood before you.

"That means that she was shy and nervous about telling you. That's good, I think I can work with that."

"It's good you have letter writing skills because your fighting skills are as bad as ever." Sasuke said as he pulled him into a headlock. "Say Uncle." He heard Sasuke grit through his teeth as he tried to restrain him as he squirmed.

"Uncle." A second Naruto behind Sasuke said as it ruffed up Sasuke's perfect hair and the Naruto in Sasuke's grip disappeared with a pop.

"We have rules you know." Sasuke said as he tried to fix his hair. "No shadow clones or sharigans."

"Sorry, you make it too easy by focusing your all your attention on one person. "

"Whatever" Sasuke muttered "I hope you have enough material for your letter. When you bring it to me I'll make you dinner."

"Better preheat the oven, the brilliant prose are already starting to form in my head."

"I'll wait until I've read and approved the letter thanks." Sasuke said as he made one final attempt to straighten out his hair before leaving Naruto alone at the training grounds.

"Uuug! What gives that douche bag the right to judge the worth of my letters!" He yelled as he dug into his bag to find materials to write with. "What am I saying? I don't care what that jerk Sasuke thinks about them as long as they make Sakura happy." He thought out loud to himself as he settled underneath a tree. "I have the real power. I can have Sasuke say anything I want." He cackled as he put pen to paper.

_In my dreams I kiss your sweet, wet… (3)_

Ok, maybe something a little more tasteful then that.

_Dearest Sakura, _

He laughed as he remembered how reluctant Sasuke had been to divulge information to him.

_I noticed how nervous you were to tell me your feelings about my letter. _

What sort of lame excuse could he give Sakura to explain why Sasuke's letters sucked?

_In truth I was nervous too because if you were to know my true feelings I'm scared…_

"You might reject me and leave me alone." Naruto laughed as he tried out the line before putting pen to paper. It was even more hilarious to picture Sasuke saying that.

_I'm scared you might think me less of a man. _

He finally wrote after decided that sounded more Sasuke-like. After that small insert he could now write anything he wanted without worrying about being sappy because he had done his part to protect his friend's masculinity. "I'm so evil." Naruto smirked as he let the words flow through his hand onto the page.

--

"I'm done!" he yelled as he waved an envelope in front of Sasuke's face.

The annoyed Uchiha grabbed the letter and began skimming it. "It's fine." He said as he stuffed it back into its envelope. "I suppose you want me to cook you dinner now?" The blonde nodded excitedly. "There's really nothing else I can do to repay you?"

"Are you trying to back out of our deal?"

"I'm trying to do you a favor, you've never tried my cooking."

"As long as it's edible."

"That's yet to be determined."

"You can't scare me off that easily " Naruto said as he followed Sasuke into his apartment. "So what on the menu."

"Some sort of poached fish and noodle dish seems safest." Sasuke said as he began to fill a pot with water.

"You're already a more promising cook then I am. I have no idea what poached means." He tried to reassure Sasuke who was concentrating so hard that he didn't seem to be listening to him. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes actually. Could you take care of the noodles while I start on the vegetables?"

"Ok, so how does one take care of noodles?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and handed him a spoon. "Stir them every few minutes to make sure they don't stick to the sides and turn down the temperature if the water starts to boil."

"I think I can manage that." Naruto said but before he even stuck the spoon in the water started to bubble uncontrollably. "Sasuke, Sasuke, I think it's boiling, what do I do?"

"Turn down the temperature!" Sasuke called from across the small kitchen.

"How do I do that?"

"All you have to do is turn the knob on the front."

He looked down and saw about six knobs on the front. He experimented by turning a few that ignited other burners but none of them seemed to be able to stop the boiling that was starting to bubble over the rim of the pot. "It's not working!"

"Dobe." Sasuke said as he pushed him out of the way and immediately took control of the boiling. "Lets have you do something simpler. Can you get me the sea salt from that cabinet?" Sasuke said as he motioned to a tall cabinet next to the stove. He obeyed he and open it then started to search for anything resembling sea salt. "It's in a box near the top." Sasuke added.

Finally he saw it on the top shelf, just out of his reach. He stretched his arm as far as he could to try to knock it off into his hand but instead knocked over a box of baking soda that set off a domino effect that ended with him cover with the entire contents of the top shelf.

"That its!" Sasuke he heard yell. "You are never to set foot in my kitchen ever again!" then Sasuke began to laugh evilly as he tried to wipe a particularly fowl smelling powder off of his face. "You got what you deserved."

"Stop laughing, it's mean." Naruto said as he discovered a mysterious sticky substance in his hair. "You don't even have a living room where am I supposed to go?"

"I don't have a living room because I don't need one. Go take a bath, I don't want you trailing that stuff all over." Naruto glared at Sasuke as he scooped a handful jam out of his blond hair. "You do know how to take a bath right? You see first there is this room where you get changed then you…"

"I know how to take a freaking bath." He muttered as he stomped towards Sasuke's bathroom.

He stripped and entered the bathroom but scowled when he looked down at the Sasuke's shampoo. Eventually his will power cracked and he squirted some into his palm. Great now he was going to smell like that jerk. He ran it through his hair removing the rest of the gunk. He hated to admit it but Sasuke's Shampoo didn't smell completely horrible, it was actually sort of nice, almost feminine. He laughed when he thought about how manly Sasuke tried to act while he secretly added sugar to his tea and washed his hair with shampoo that smelled suspiciously of jasmine and fixed his hair whenever it got mess up. Maybe if he had similarly girly tendencies Sakura would have fallen for him instead.

He sighed and shut off the water before leaving the room in search of a towel. As soon as he opened the door he notice Sasuke was crouched in front of a linen cabinet looking for something… while he stood in the doorframe of the bathroom naked and more importantly dripping wet. "Uh Sasuke." The Uchiha looked up at him for literally an instant before returning to his search seemingly unfazed.

"I thought you'd be longer so I just came in here to grab a few towels to clean up the mess you made in the kitchen."

"I wasn't really in the mood for soaking." He responded. "Do you think you could pass me a towel while your digging around in there."

"Yeah sure." Sasuke said as he tossed a towel behind him. It didn't even occur to him that he should use the towel to cover up because Sasuke had seen him naked before and his wet hair was more of an issue right now. "Ah yes." Sasuke smirked up at him. "I think seven towels may be a enough to get started on that mess."

"Sorry!" he called after his friend as he left. He was about to follow after him to help but he realized it would probably be best to put on clothes first. "I'm just going to borrow some of your clothes ok?!" he shouted before he started riffling through a slew of clothes that were hanging to dry.

And that is how a home cooked dinner with Sasuke became takeout Chinese and bad TV sitting on the floor of Sasuke's empty living room. He didn't really mind. He would never admit it but he wasn't really after the food so much as the company. "I need another glass of water. Want me to get you anything from the kitchen?" Naruto asked innocently but as soon as he did Sasuke grabbed his cup.

"I thought I made it clear you were never to set foot in my kitchen again. I'll get your damn water."

"Actually I'd like some tea now that I know I don't have to make it."

"Sure thing I'll put on the kettle." Sasuke called from the other room. "That reminds me, I got you something."

"Aaaaw how uncharacteristically nice of you."

"Don't read to much into it." His friend grumbled as he passed him a heavy paper bag.

"What the hell." He exclaimed when he felt the weight of the bag, but he understood as soon as he opened it. "A metal tea kettle… how… thoughtful."

"This way you won't break it if you decide to throw it at me when I'm being difficult."

"I prefer the words uncaring emotionless douche bag."

"Say whatever you want about me, I got the girl."

And that is how Naruto's brand new teapot got its first dent.

--

It became a routine they would train together and he would hear stories about her, then, while inspired, he go home and write a letter, and after Sasuke delivered it they would talk strategy over dinner.

Many letters and several dents in his teapot later Naruto was running to make it to training on time. He was beginning to think he was trained like Pavlov's dogs because just seeing Sasuke standing made his heart beat fast in anticipation of hearing a new story about Sakura. His dark haired friend looked unimpressed as he stood there waiting while wrapping bandages around his arm. "You're late."

"I know. I'm sorry I had to deliver information to the Hokage."

"Classified?" Sasuke asked as he threw the first punch, which Naruto managed to block easily.

"Not really, some group of radicals have just declared war on Konoha but there numbers are small so our odds look good." Naruto said as he took a few jabs at his friend.

"It won't be easy for me to find another sucker if you're sent off to war." Sasuke panted as he dodged a series of blows being directed at him.

"The Hokage says I lack the skill sets a mission like this would require." The blond said as he struggled to block a power kick directed at his head.

"You lack a lot of skills, which particular one disqualifies you?"

"Apparently I'm not very discrete!" He yelled as he bad the first hit on the day, a direct blow to Sasuke's stomach. Sasuke might be faster then him, and probably got more hits, but when he landed a hit he made sure it counted. "How's Sakura?" he asked as his friend collected himself.

"She fine. She tried to cook for me yesterday." Sasuke said as he retaliated with a series of punches and kicks that Naruto was unable to avoid.

"A home cooked meal made by Sakura, I'm jealous." Naruto said as he tried to catch his breath.

" It was a disaster, she tried to cook poached fish."

"The cursed meal!" He exclaimed as he blocked a punch.

"I know! I tried to talk her out of it but she didn't listen. I think she realized it was a bad idea when she set her oven on fire."

"At least we know better." He laughed. "She should have you cook for her, your tempura is excellent."

"I have a theory that anything is good if it's fried regardless of who cooks it." Sasuke replied as he landed another hit.

"False modesty! I think I could find a religion in your beef teriyaki!" He called out as he barely missed hitting Sasuke's chin. "Can we have that tonight if I finish the letter on time?" he asked earnestly. While he was distracted by thoughts of mouth watering food Sasuke crouched down and took out his knees so he landed painfully on his back in the dirt. Instead of getting up he just started laughing.

"Dobe." Sasuke said as he stood over him before sacrificing his pride by joining him down in the dirt. "I told you before, you have to give me more notice because I have to let the meat thaw and marinate before I cook it."

"We can have it tomorrow I'll have the letter done by then. A disastrous cooking extravaganza, I think I have plenty of material." He sighed before he turning to look Sasuke "Should I mention poached fish equals insta fail?"

"Classy." Sasuke smirked. "Put it in those exact words."

"You know I can't." He mumbled as he stared up at the clouds. "Women are more delicate." He said as he turned to see Sasuke give him a disapproving looking. "Stop looking at me like I've just cut off my own balls. Just because I can be sensitive doesn't make me less of a man than you."

"Actually that's exactly what it means."

"Why are you so mean to me even though I'm helping you?"

"Because you're an easy target."

"That's it! I'm never writing you another letter again."

"Ok" Sasuke shrugged "I said you could stop anytime you wanted."

"What made you even want to go out with Sakura in the first place?" Naruto asked nervously as he began to pick at a patch of grass that was growing in the dirt.

"Because I really need to get laid."

It was exactly the kind of sarcastic response he had been expecting. "You really are a cold bastard." He muttered.

Sasuke sighed "I decided to give in because of all the women in my life she's the only one who can manage to drive me crazy and convince me it was for my own good."

"Now there's true love." Naruto said as he rolled his eyes.

"What about you, what made you fall so helplessly in love with Sakura." The Uchiha retorted.

"I think it was her boobs." Sasuke let out a very an uncharacteristic burst of laughter. "What?"

"Now there's true love." His friend mocked.

"It's not my fault she happens to have a fine pair of breasts" he defended as Sasuke burst out laughing again. "What's it like to touch them?" he thought out loud and reasoned only after the words had escaped his lips that Sasuke might think that was a serious question.

"The hell if I know."

"What!" Naruto shouted as he sat up. "You've been going out with her for weeks. How could you not have sneaked a grope?"

"I'm not a very touchy person."

"Listen, I'd love to sit and chat about your personal problems, but I have a letter to write."

"I thought you said you weren't going to write them any more."

"Oh come on Sasuke." Naruto said as he offered his friend a hand up. "You knew I was going continue to write the letters for you."

"You're such a sucker." Sasuke said as he grabbed his hand to pull himself up.

--

Even though writing these letters became a routine Naruto thought he did a good job keeping them as passionate as possible, the look on Sasuke's face as he read this latest letter seemed to suggest _he _thought otherwise.

"Was the alliteration a bit much?" he asked.

"No, no, it's fine."

"Sasuke, you're crinkling your nose like you've just smelled something bad."

"I just don't think it's up to your usual standard of sappiness." Sasuke shrugged as he tucked the letter back into its envelope.

"I'm just being realistic. You've been together for a while so you're past that 'dizzy every time you see each other' phase. It makes more sense to make the letter a little less sappy."

"You're the expert." Sasuke shrugged before he headed off into the kitchen.

"Can I make tea?" the blond asked. The tea was just a cover really because he knew Sasuke wouldn't let him in to the kitchen otherwise.

"Yeah sure just don't use any of my good leaves." He didn't know why Sasuke constantly reminded him, he knew he wasn't allowed with a three-foot radius of his friend's treasured tealeaves. He filled the kettle and then handed it to Sasuke to put on the stove. He wasn't allowed within a three-foot radius of the stove either.

As soon as the tea was brewed the kettle was passed back to him so he could pour and prepare the tea. All this entailed was adding an ungodly amount of sugar to Sasuke's tea before passing it on for inspection. "Just a pinch more I think."

This being the only job he was allowed to do he took it very seriously and made sure to measure exactly as Sasuke had instructed but not once had the Uchiha been pleased with the amount of sugar. Recently he was beginning to think Sasuke kept being displeased with the amount just did it to annoy him. Reluctantly he dug the tip of the spoon into the sugar bowl but as soon as Sasuke turn around to check on the food he removed an empty spoon and pretended to stir the sugar he hadn't added before passing it back to Sasuke.

He held his breath as his friend tasted the tea. "Yes I think this will do." The blond laughed to him self as he realized his theory was correct. "Thanks for the tea, now out of the kitchen." Sasuke said as he shoved him out of the way.

"But it's so weird to sit on the floor and wait around for you to finish cooking. You have to buy a couch Sasuke."

"I did."

"Now this you gotta show me." Naruto said as he dragged Sasuke out of the kitchen as his friend desperately tried to turn off the burners.

"This is it." The Uchiha said as he sat down on a rather bland looking navy couch that faced the only other item in the room, a small ancient looking TV.

"It's an improvement." Naruto nodded as he flung himself onto the couch next to Sasuke "But it's not quite a living room yet. What do you call a room that isn't quite a living room?"

"… This room."

"I think we should call it you're grave!" Naruto said as he pounced on top of Sasuke and started trying to find a ticklish spot.

"Curse you and your sudden yet inevitable betrayal!"

"Mwhahaha." (4) Naruto laughed as he finally gave up trying to tickle Sasuke. "What made you finally decide to get a couch?"

"I'm tired of hearing you bug me about getting one every time you come over to mooch food of me. Crap, food!" Sasuke yelled as Naruto felt himself being pushed off his friend who then proceeded to disappear into the kitchen.

"I earn this food damn it!" he yelled after his friend.

"Keep telling yourself that." He heard Sasuke yell back.

"Shut up. Is the food ready yet?" he grumbled.

"We're just waiting on the rice."

"Screw rice I'll eat the beef by its self."

"Be patience."

"But I'm hungry!"

"It only has two more minutes. Why don't you find something on TV that can amuse you until it's done."

"But you only get three channels and I like bugging you more than watching antique road show reruns." Naruto whined.

"You were pretty impressed to see that Navajo blanket appraised at half a million."

"Yeah but most of the time it's just boring old people showing off their China." He forced himself up off the couch to turn on the TV and adjust the antenna. "Great, I'm not sure I'm prepared for a night filled with such exciting china patterns." Naruto said as he rolled his eyes and flung himself back on the couch.

"What a beautiful set of Rosenthal. It's a pity a few pieces are missing from the set that's going to effect the appraisal greatly." Naruto was about to reply with a smart ass comment but any insult he had about Sasuke quickly dissolved from his mind the second the Uchiha passed him a warm plate of food. It only took him half a second to start shoving food down his trap.

A few seconds passed in silence before Naruto tried his best to spark conversation. "So have you guys… you know." he said between bites as he made a rather inappropriate gesture with his chopstick and hand. It took a few seconds for Sasuke, who was paying attention to the TV, to notice what he was doing.

"No, no way. We don't even kiss."

"What?!" his response was so sudden and loud it would have been more suitable for a situation in which Sasuke had just told him he was pregnant.

"Well I would have told you about it wouldn't I"

"I just figured you weren't the kind to kiss and tell." He said as he calmed down enough to continue eating. "You've been going out for awhile now so, uh, how exactly have you not kissed her?"

"She says because she waited so long to be with me that she wanted our first kiss to be _special, _and that we haven't had any _special _moments."

"That witch! After I worked so hard on all those letters! What does she want?"

"The hell if I know."

Naruto began tapping his chopsticks against each other as he went into deep thought. "I know!" he said so loudly that Sasuke jumped in his seat. "You need to make a big gesture."

"A big gesture?"

"You know, make a special moment instead of waiting for one to happen. It just so happens I have the perfect idea." Naruto grinned as he passed Sasuke his empty plate and stood up to get his bag. "You're going to sing her one of these songs." He said as he flung a folder onto Sasuke's lap.

"Hold these." The Uchiha said as he shoved the plates at him before opening the folder. "You walk around with sheet music?"

"Plot device. Stop questioning it and starting reading lyrics so you can pick out the song you want to sing."

But Sasuke was already skimming over the sheets. "Naruto have you actually read any of these lyrics?"

"Yeah sure. Why?"

"Loving is fine if you've plenty of time for walking on stilts at the edge of your mind" (5) Sasuke read. "I don't think a line like that is going to inspire a passionate response."

"Perhaps a passionate slap. Try another one."

"They're all just as bad."

"Hmm they sounded so pretty when I listened to them." He pondered. "It's ok because I've just come up with a much better plan." He said as he shoved the plates back at Sasuke who, with a frustrated sigh, brought them back into the kitchen.

"Please, no singing." He heard the Uchiha's calm voice echo from the other room.

"Don't worry. This is something I think you can definitely pull off." His lips curled up into an evil grin as Sasuke reentered the room.

"This can't be good." He heard his friend groan.

"You're going to recite poetry to her as she stands on a balcony in the moonlight."

"No."

"Come on Sasuke! If you really love someone you shouldn't mind doing silly romantic things."

"Why don't _you _do it then."

"This is one thing I can't do for you. Besides think about how great Sakura will look glowing in the light of the moon as a light breeze tosses her hair about."

"Right." Sasuke said as he rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry I'll help you practice. By the time I'm through with you you'll be a lean mean poetry reciting machine."

"When you say it like that it almost sounds manly."

"Anyway, it's not about what you recite it's how recite it so why don't we practice with the lyrics from the sheet music until we find something better."

Sasuke cleared his throat as pulled out the first sheet and began to read out loud. He wasn't sure if it was the couch or the sound of Sasuke's voice but after only a few seconds he was out like a light.

When he woke up he was confused. It took him a few seconds to adjust to his surrounding and remember that he was still in his friends "living" room, and unfortunately still listening to Sasuke's emotionless reading. "Ok stop. This isn't working." He yawned. "We need to find a way to make that better."

"I still think we should use my original idea and have you do it."

"Nice try." He said as he shot Sasuke a look. "But there is no way she'd buy for even a second I was you."

"You've used jutsu to pretend to be me before. I think we could pull it off."

"Wanna know what's great about this." Naruto laughed. "Even if we could pull it off there is no way you could convince me to do it. You have nothing to blackmail me with and nothing to bribe me with. I am bullet- proof baby."

"I'll get cable."

"Sold" The blond answered perhaps a little too quickly. He probably could have held out for more but the thought of never having to watch another episode of antiques road show was far too exciting a prospect to gamble with. "So how exactly are we going to do this?"

--

A few days later He was having trouble recognizing himself in the mirror. He was stroking his cheeks that normally bore very identifiable whisker-like scars. He was fairly impressed with his own transformation jutsu but it was unnerving.

"Stop poking." Sasuke said as he grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away from his face.

"I'm sorry I'm not use to it."

"Don't worry you look fine."

"I don't look fine. I look like you." He whined

"Then might I say you look spectacular."

"You cocky bastard. We're never going to pull this off." The normally blond male said as he ran his hair through spiky black hair.

"Just stay away from your normal speech patterns."

"Got it." He nodded. "How exactly did you convince her to be at her window at nine."

"I told her there was going to be a lunar eclipse that would pass over quickly but was worth looking out for."

"Is there really going to be one?"

"Of course not. We should get going it's almost nine." Sasuke said as he pulled him away from the mirror. "Do you want me to stick around for moral support?"

"Sure, sneak around like solid snake and observe how suave I am."

"Or, you know, sneak around like a ninja."

"We're suppose to sneak around?" he asked mainly as a joke but that question inspired the first of the night's many face palms.

The second occurred not long after the plan was executed. They were sitting in a tree near her window on the look out for any movement. Finally the curtains were pushed back and Sakura leaned out of her window. He was somewhat disappointed to see she didn't seem to glow in the moonlight the way he imagined she would.

"That's your queue" Sasuke said as he pushed him down the branch toward the window.

He tried to act as cool as he could as he stood balanced on that wobbly branch outside her window. "Nice moon." He said as he deliberately looked away from her. Even though his jutsu was flawless he was nervous she would see through it.

"Yeah, but there doesn't seem to be an eclipse. I wonder why you would tell me there was." He was relieved she seemed to buy the fact that he indeed Sasuke.

"Because I wanted to see you." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sasuke do his second face palm of the evening.

"You could just tell me you wanted to see me." She blushed.

"But that would spoil the surprise."

"Are you ok? You sound a little weird?"

Busted. He was so busted. He realized that by trying to sound like Sasuke he actually sounded less like him. He looked over at the real Sasuke who was miming a cough. "I think I'm coming down with a cold"

"You sounded fine earlier."

"Well, I waited outside a long time for you." He glanced over at Sasuke who was clearly impressed by his quick recovery because he gave him two thumbs up.

"Now why would you do that?" she smiled as he lightly touched the hand he had rested on her windowsill to help him balance.

"I told you, because I wanted to see you." He was pretty sure that inspired another face palm from their secret observer.

"Well you better get to bed and sleep off that oncoming cold." She said as she moved her hand up to stroke his cheek and lean forward to touch their lips together for barely an instant before pulling away and disappearing back in into her room.

He walked back over to Sasuke who was glaring in his direction. "What?" He asked but Sasuke only continued to glare. "What'd I do?" He asked again before transforming back into his original self with a pop.

"I didn't hear a single line of poetry."

"Sorry I was a bit preoccupied."

"Kissing my girlfriend."

"Oh, right, that. That was no big deal." Naruto said as he lightly touched his lips and tried to remember what it felt like but it was useless. It didn't seem like a proper kiss, more like barely touching lips.

"Not a big deal? She's probably going to think I'm a terrible kisser now."

He knew Sasuke was trying to wind him up but he couldn't stop the urge to shut him up and prove him wrong. Somehow his body completely misinterpreted these thoughts as an order kiss Sasuke. Before rational thought reached his mind he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Sasuke's the way Sakura had just done to him, a light brush that was over in an instant. "See, no big deal."

"What was that?" Sasuke yelled as he wiped his lips with his hand. "You can't just kiss someone for the hell of it! I'm going home. Tomorrow you're getting miso soup cooked from a packet."

"I think I earned more than an appetizer."

"I think you earned a slap in the face. Be thankful I'm cooking you anything."

"Fine." Naruto humped as Sasuke left him alone in the tree. He touched his hands to his lips for the second time that night. "No big deal." He repeated to himself.

But it was a big deal. After that night he began to notice little things about Sasuke that he hadn't noticed before, like the way he played with the ends of his hair as he stared thoughtfully at a cookbook, or the way he bit his bottom lip when he was feeling nervous for a character he was watching on TV. And then the dream came.

At first it seemed normal enough. It started like a dream he used to have all the time. In his dream he was entering a house waiting for someone to greet him, he got excited because he liked this dream, it had been awhile since he had had it. Any moment now Sakura would come to great him at the door but instead of Sakura in front of him stood Sasuke dressed in a women's kimono an apron. Slightly still conscious Naruto was taken aback but dream Naruto seemed fine, even happy. "Todaima."

"Okearinasai." The dream Sasuke greeted him with an uncharacteristically sweet voice. Naruto started to get nervous because he knew what part of the dream came next.

"What, no welcome home kiss?" Dream Naruto asked as he wrapped his arms around the small, feminine dream Sasuke before leaning down. He knew he could probably stop the rest from happening but he was curious. As their lips touched he felt Sasuke's long nimble fingers grip his hair with a strength that was distinctly male. In all his dreams with Sakura the kiss would end there but it seemed dream Naruto couldn't get enough of dream Sasuke. He opened his mouth to run his tongue along the Uchiha's lips and nibble at his bottom lip until Sasuke gave into him and opened his mouth.

Perhaps a little to quickly he let out a sloppy wet tongue. For a second he thought perhaps he had been too hasty but he relaxed when he felt Sasuke smile at his enthusiasm. Strong fingers began to play with the hairs on the back of his neck as he moved his hands to lie on the flat planes of Sasuke's chest. He was actually relieved that dream Sasuke didn't have breasts because that would only make the dream weirder.

The kiss broke leaving him panting as Sasuke leaned forward and started nibbling on his ear before whispering _I love you._

That was enough to shock him back awake. He laid on him bed panting feeling confused and slightly aroused. He pulled at his hair in frustration as he tried to calm his breathing. "What a freaky dream." he said to himself as though trying to convince himself he didn't enjoy it.

Now every time he looked at Sasuke he felt his cheeks burn and his heart beat faster as his mind remembered the dream. Unfortunately his strange behavior didn't go unnoticed by Sasuke. The Uchiha confronted him as they watched some sort of police drama. "Are you feeling alright? You're acting weird." The worst part of this whole thing was his best friend, the person he wanted to tell about his weird dream, was the one person he couldn't talk to about it.

"Yeah I'm fine" he stuttered.

"Hmmm?" Sasuke looked at him as though he could see straight through his lie. "Whatever."

If there was one thing Naruto was terrible at it was keeping something to himself. It only took him about four minutes to crack. "Hey Sasuke, if I had a semi-erotic dream about a guy dressed as a woman does that make me gay?"

"Dressed as a woman… no that's not gay. Well maybe it's a bit gay but it's normal. Everyone is gay for traps." (6)

"Really?"

"Do you really think everyone who fell for that stupid jutsu of yours is gay?"

"I guess not."

"Though I must admit I didn't expect it from you because of your boob fetish." Sasuke said as he took both their glasses and headed into the kitchen.

"It's hardly a fetish, I just happen to like the perfect shape of Sakura's breast. How about you? What sort of body parts are you attracted to?" he asked.

"I have a thing for ears." He was glad Sasuke was in the other room because he turned bright red as he remember the way Sasuke practically molested his ear in his dream. "You have enough material for your next letter right? I assume I don't have to fill you in on how you kissed my girlfriend."

"Yeah yeah, I'll get on writing that letter for you." He began to wonder just when he started writing the letters for Sasuke and not just to make Sakura happy.

"We should still train though. I need an excuse to beat you up."

"I never need an excuse to beat you up." He muttered to himself but unfortunately at that moment Sasuke reentered the room.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." He smiled sweetly as he gave his ears a little wiggle.

--

Just like always his heart began to beat faster when he saw Sasuke waiting for him at the training ground. Even though he knew he wouldn't be hearing anything about Sakura he couldn't calm his pulse, which was proof enough that it was a trained behavior. The Uchiha seemed to be amusing himself by tossing up some sort of necklace. Sasuke didn't seem the kind to wear jewelry but he also didn't seem the kind to enjoy sugar as much as he did.

"Sweet bling." He commented.

"Sakura gave it to me." Hearing Sasuke say that made his heart twist involuntarily. "It's just a five yen coin on a bit of red string."

"Any occasion?" he asked wondering what had inspired such a gift.

"She seems to think it will protect me while I'm off fighting in the war." Sasuke had failed to mention that he had been selected to take out the radicals but it made since when he thought about it, Sasuke had all the discretion he lacked. No matter how hard he tried to fight it he still felt frustrated that Sasuke didn't trust him enough to tell him he was being sent off. Why tell Sakura and not him? It was at times like these, when his mind was preoccupied, that his body acted on it's own, in this particular instance, perhaps because of a lack of tea pots, it decided Sasuke deserved a punch in the face.

The moment he saw his friend wince in pain he regretted what he had done but he couldn't go back in time so instead he acted as though it had never happened. "So what makes her think it will protect you?"

"Apparently the five yen coin was given to her by her mother the first time she visited a shine and instead of throwing it in she kept it but felt too guilty to spend it so she gave it to me attached to a red string of fate to show she's praying for our destiny. I'm probably screwing the story up but I assure you whatever it was it was just as cheesy." His friend said as he continued to clutch the spot on his cheek Naruto had just hit.

"She gave you a guilt filled five yen coin she kept from a shrine?"

"I don't get it either but it's the thought that counts I suppose." Sasuke shrugged as he tucked the trinket into his pocket.

"You should wear it. I'll tie it on for you." He didn't know why he insisted, but he felt guilty about questioning the sentiment of the gift. Sasuke kept his hand frozen in his pocket as he stared at the blond for a few seconds before tossing the coin to him. Naruto was quick about getting behind Sasuke stringing it around his neck because he was afraid if he stopped and thought about it he would lose his nerve. "When do you leave?" he asked as he struggled to tie a tiny knot.

"Tonight."

"Now I feel bad that I didn't get you anything." He said as he unconsciously traced his finger over the red sting that now lied flat against the back of Sasuke neck.

"I think the gigantic bruise I'll get on my face is enough from you thanks."

Naruto rolled his eyes and leaned over Sasuke's shoulder to poke at the swelling spot. "Stop being such a wuss." He smiled and tried enjoyed his last pain-free moments because he knew any second now Sasuke would throw him over his shoulder or find some other way to inflict serious pain, but his punishment never came.

"Stop being such a dumb ass." Sasuke muttered as he shrugged the blond off him and walk away from the training grounds.

"Wait! We haven't trained!" he called after Sasuke who just waved him off. "Bye Sasuke." he whispered mainly for his own benefit because he knew his friend wouldn't appreciate the sentiment.

--

It was a few days until he heard from Sasuke again. While waiting for his instant ramen to cook so he decided to look through the mail. Amongst bills and various solicitations was a plain envelope with his name an address printed neatly on the front. His noodles still had another minute to go so he ripped open the letter to find a short note written in the same small neat print.

_Naruto,_

_Their numbers are greater then we thought so we've lost many. It's only a matter of time before my platoon gets attacked but before that happens I wanted to write to give you my sincerest gratitude. If you could write her one final letter from me and read it to her I'd be in your debt. Look after her when I'm gone and make sure to eat more than ramen. _

_-Sasuke_

Usually the moment his instant ramen was down he was eager to start eating but today he forget all about the ramen. "When I'm gone." He read aloud to himself. It must have taken some time for the letter to get here. Was Sasuke already dead? "Eat more than ramen. What a cheeky bastard." He said trying to distract himself from thoughts of dead Sasuke. There was nothing he could do so he set about doing the only thing he could, writing the last letter.

Hours later he finished and ate his cold ramen before setting out to find Sakura. Usually he'd expect to find Sakura in the shadow of the Hokage but today she was at the hospital helping with an influx of patients. "Sakura-chan!" he called out to her across a hallway where she was directing medical ninja's.

"Leave me alone Naruto I'm busy!"

"I have a letter from Sasuke!" he said waving an envelope in his hand.

"Give it to me!" she screeched as she tried to grab at it.

"Nope. I was instructed by Sasuke to read it to you." He said holding it over her head. She looked as though she was trying to decide if putting up with him was worth it to hear what Sasuke had written.

"Fine, follow me." She said as she dragged him by the arm into an empty room. "Read." She commanded impatiently.

So he read. He wasn't sure of what he was reading. His eyes followed the words and he could hear his voice but his mind was otherwise occupied. He was so busy thinking he barely heard Sakura ask him to stop reading. He only had a few lines left but he adhered to her request.

She was on the verge of tears as she spoke. "Thank you Naruto, that was beautiful." He wanted to ask her if she was going to be ok, but before he could she spoke again. "I always liked Sasuke but I fell in love with his letters and now I realize all this time it was you writing them. I don't care that you're a doofus and a demon vessel I'm in love with you, the author of all those letters."

This was everything he had always wanted to hear but instead of feeling ecstatic he felt sick._ Look after her while I'm gone._ The words kept repeating themselves over and over in his head. Had Sasuke known she would figure it out when he read the letter to her? Where was Sasuke now? Dying at war? Could he really still want Sakura knowing the price Sasuke had paid to let him have her? Or was he still alive?

"Naruto?" Sakura touched his arm affectionately in concern.

"I'm sorry I don't know what I'm still doing here I have to go." He said as tried to stand up the hand on his arm tightened into a grip. He turned to look at Sakura who now had tears flowing down her cheeks. Before he could comfort her he felt her free hand slap hard across his cheek.

"Give that to Sasuke for me." She said as she let go of his arm. "And don't be a wuss about it, make sure to give it to him good and hard." He blushed as he thought about the other connotation those words had.

"Sakura?" He felt bad because he had unknowingly pulled a bait and switch.

"Just go." he wanted to comfort her, to make her feel better about the whole thing, but he knew some things were best dealt with alone so he ran off to go see the Hokage while silently praying it wasn't to late to save Sasuke.

He burst through the door without any proper introduction and walked up to the Hokage's desk completely out of breath. "What platoon was Sasuke in and where were they sent?" He asked between heavy breaths.

"Sasuke?" She asked in a sly knowing voice. "He was in the 4077. (7) They were sent north but they were ambushed. They're carrying the bodies through the gate as we speak."

In a haze of misery and confusion he scampered out of the room like a rat fleeing a flooding tunnel and somehow made his way to the main gate. One by one covered bodies were being carried in through the gate. People were lined up trying to find loved ones but it looked as though they weren't allowing access to the bodies. He could see why. For a split second a bloody burnt arm flopped down from under one of the covers, which earned a collective gasp from the crowd. He pushed through to the main gate where Iruka was standing guard and directing those who were carrying the bodies.

"Sorry we're not letting civilians through." He automatically responded before he noticed whom he was talking to. "Ah Naruto! Come to help?"

"Sure, can I come through?" Iruka stood scratching his nose in thought for a few seconds before stepping aside to let him through much to the displeasure of an on looking crowd. "Thanks." He waved.

Behind the gate laid a line of burnt corpses, most so badly burnt they were no longer recognizable. He vaguely remembered studying how to deal with situation like this in school. You were supposed to try to identify people by wedding rings or trinkets they always carried but he didn't know Sasuke well enough to know what he carried around in his pockets. He meandered down the line aimlessly trying to recognize chard features until he saw the remains of a red string in a pile of nick-knacks lying on top of a body.

"Oh no." He whispered to himself as he pulled on the string praying there was no coin attached to the end, but there was. "No, Sasuke, you can't be dead. I'll never find another sucker to cook for me." He tried to joke. He wasn't sure if it was the smell or threatening tears but it was getting harder to breath. "I didn't get to tell you why I kept writing those letters, it wasn't to make Sakura happy, well in the beginning it was, but after awhile I just did it so I could see you and make you happy, and before I knew it I was having freaky dreams about you and the worst part about it was that I enjoyed it and I enjoyed the way you made my heart beat uncontrollably even if you didn't trust me near the stove." He stopped to catch his breath for a second before yelling loud enough so Sasuke could hear him in the after-life. "I love you!"

"Was that a serious confession or did you only say that because you thought I was dead?" A familiar voice said from behind him. He looked behind him to see a person who looked very much like Sasuke covered in blood helping to move bodies. He looked between the corpse and the seemingly live Sasuke who was motioning for someone to take his place. He gripped the coin in his hand tightly as he tried to figure out wither or not he was hallucinating. "You shouldn't be here." The living Sasuke said as it tried to pull him away from the corpse.

"I just wanted to make sure you were dead so I could steal your good tea leaves." He said as he turned away from Sasuke to hide his embarrassment.

"Not even in death would I let you get near my kitchen."

Naruto wanted to laugh but he still wasn't sure if the Sasuke taking to him was real. "Why did he have your charm?"

"You tied a really crappy knot, it came loose 20 minutes into the mission. I told the guy who found it he could keep it. I'm pretty sure that coin his cursed." Instantly Naruto dropped the coin back onto the dead body as though he was afraid the curse would spread to him. "I never actually loved Sakura." Sasuke confessed as he stared down at the coin. "What I said to you before was bullshit, I only wanted her because I knew you wanted her and I wanted to prove I could win against you. It never occurred to me it would humiliate you more if I made you fall in love with me."

"You're selfish, emotionless, uncaring jerk." Naruto spat as he tried to hide his obvious embarrassment.

"You know how you told me if you loved someone you should want to do all the corny, sappy stuff? I've been thinking maybe if someone loved you they wouldn't mind if you're are a selfish emotionless uncaring jerk. They'd probably even sit on the floor for you and put up with hours of public television. I'd rather be with someone like that than someone who made me jump through hoops."

"Great then go find yourself someone like that." Naruto muttered before he finally caught on. "Wait, you're talking about me aren't you?"

"Against all better judgment, yes. Come on." Sasuke said as he pulled him off the ground "I think I owe you dinner."

"That's ok, you don't have to, I think I screwed up the last letter."

"I want to." Sasuke demanded. There was not an ounce of sweetness in his voice but to Naruto it was better then hearing poetry. He leaned forward and rubbed blood away from Sasuke left cheek to see if there was the bruise he left was still there. "Are you going to kiss me?" Sasuke asked.

"I was thinking about it but you're kind of a bloody mess so it'd probably be pretty gross."

"Well if you kissed me it'd definitely be gay." Sasuke was trying to wind him up again and it was working.

"That reminds me." He said as he reached had back and slapped Sasuke across the face. "That was from Sakura."

"It went that badly huh?" Sasuke asked as he clutched his cheek. "Don't you want to get the other cheek too?"

"Yeah I might as well." He said, but instead of drawing his hand back for another slap he nervously leaned forward to lightly brush his lips against it but the kiss was promptly redirected by Sasuke and turned out to be much more than a light brush. "I was right." He said as they broke for air. "You taste pretty gross."

"It's ok because you only like me for my cooking."

"Well you only like me for me ears" Naruto quipped. In response Sasuke leaned forward to nibble on the lobe of his ear. He half expected to hear a whispered _I love you_ but instead he heard something that made him much happier.

"You do have impossibly cute ears."

--

_The beginning of __Lolita_

_Every piece of fiction I write has a James Joyce quote and a Damien rice song. This is Jamesy._

_The infamous letter from __Atonement.__ Can't say that word in a T rated fic._

From Firefly

And there is the Damien rice song. "The Professor" incase you're curious

Traps are men who dress like women. The most famous trap is Bridget from guilty gear.

Hehe MASH


End file.
